The sex blog scandal is the latest news sensation in Malaysia and Singapore. Vivian Lee, 23, and her boyfriend of six months Alvin Tan, 24, caused a cyber furore when their postings on their sex blog Sumptuous Erotica became viral and was caught on by the Singapore media.
What is your view about this whole affair? Are you morally disgusted, appalled by their brazen behaviour? Or are you neutral, after all they are not connected with you? Or are you amused by the media reaction over a biological act that this couple were adventurous enough to post on their blog?
But what if they were your children? Would you react differently if it were a son rather than a daughter? From the media interviews, it seems that at one point, Vivian Lee's parents wanted to disown her whereas his parents were more concerned about whether he would be expelled from the National University of Singapore and whether he would get in trouble with the law. As it is now, neither of them are repentant, calling themselves broadminded people.
Many people are outraged and have criticised them, especially parents. They label them immoral and said that they need moral counselling, crave for attention. etc. As a member of the public, I think that they are two mature consenting adults and their sexual lives are really not of my concern. Yes, they posted their sexual acts on the internet but we can always choose not to watch if we find it offensive. As to fear that our children will follow in their example, I think that it is up to us to teach our children. We could use their scandal as a teaching opportunity.
However, if I were Vivian's parent, I would initially be annoyed because I would not welcome the negative publicity and intrusion on my family. However, I would also realise that this reaction does not help. Being overly concerned about face and how people view me as a parent really does not help my child.
I would be very concerned about her wellbeing and future. I would have a talk with her to see what her deeper motivation was for the sex blog. And whether it is because she is seeking attention or trying to win the boy's love by being outrageous together. I would really want to know what is in her heart. Whether she made an error of judgement or is it that she really is a free spirit. I would be concerned that she could be hurt as she sounded much more emotionally involved than the boy (from the Capital FM interview with Xandra Ooi). If she can convince me that she really knows what she is doing, then I really would have to accept the situation and leave the door of my heart open for her, should she need me.
As a parent, I would really be disappointed that her values are so different from what I have taught her but I also have to realise that she is an adult now and that she is her own person. It is a sobering thought. Though I may have some power of influence, it is largely out of my hands. That maybe it is our ego that makes us want our child to turn out to what we expect.
Therefore, I always believe that the best time to teach our children is when they are young. During their tender years, we have to set aside the time and patience to slowly nurture them especially in character building. We have been given a very privileged role as their first teachers so we had better make full use of it. After we have done our best, we have to pray that they turn out to be good citizens of the world. I also believe that as parents, we do not own our children. They come through us but belong not to us.
CF,
ReplyDeleteI must salute your courage, I thought I once used this word 'wrongly' with Chang, in his context he had no choice, in yours you have, but you choose to engage us.
I am a conservative person, first reaction was why did they do that? Never mind abt the psychiatrist explanantion.
But at the end, I thought I have quite decided a blog is indeed a personal document made public because of technology; ever since the advent of internet, I hv sort of accepted there are bound to be good & bad things coming together with internet, the same for the blogging environment. Besides sex pose, there are thousand of dangerous philosophy, misleading ads, cure for this disease that disease etc being posted(by the way that was how Chang got some of the research to share with us) Good or bad, your call !! So is there a difference ??
I recall reading one of your readers seemed to have said if the blog content, to yr mind is offensive, don't read , sign off or forget it, the choice is yours !! How true !!
I too once gave an analogy that if you peeping tom gets his eye stained by my urine, you ask for it, can he come to me and say I hurt him. You know we guys like to spray around, sorry, if that description offends....
I would have thought the legal system should not entertain this; but I know for a fact, the no-fault scheme in Australia requires the insurance industry to pay a thief if he falls from a slippery roof.
And in recent Malaysian case two brothers were sentenced to death when they killed a burglar who broke into their room.
So legally Malaysia Boleh, let see what NUS or Singapore would do , but morally I fully agree with you in the likely approach you would take if you were the parent to the girl,
But tell us also what if you were the mother or father of the boy??
Long winded KokPiew
Dear Kok Piew,
ReplyDeleteWas waiting to see if the readers would ask this question. In our conservative society, many would be less concerned on the effect on the boy. As his parent, I would ask the same question, what his motivation was and assess whether he has deeper issues that needs to be addressed. In the interview, he said he does not want marriage. And he did not sound very emotionally involved. I will talk to him and tell him my opinion. In our conservative society, females are still generally considered on the "losing" end (though some may not agree). Frankly I would be harder on my son and more concerned if its my daughter in this case. If a man really cared for a girl, he wouldnt be so callous. That she is in the relationship doing all these things with him though he is not serious abt her is what really concerns me if I were her mother. Maybe she is no angel herself so I am just making assumptions. However, at the end of the day, as parents we also have to acknowledge that they are already adults,whether son or daughter.
CF
Dear Kok Piew,
DeleteWhat would you do if you were the father of the boy?
CF
Dear readers,
ReplyDeleteBy the way, I have added a small box at the end of each post. Please tick it if you like the post. This is feedback for me. Thank you
CF
This had happened before in many different ways. This is happening now. And this will happen again in future. The world is like that. Many arm-chair critiques may want to blame the parents for not bringing up their children the "proper" way. Many others will criticize the behaviour of these 2 youngsters. Fair enough. But would anyone for once ever think that their children may done such things? Any parent who thinks that children can be controlled 100% is waiting for the greatest disappointment in life. Of course I have seen the most obedient children, but they are a minority.
ReplyDeleteThere are so many reasons that these two youngsters are doing it. I don't condone such behaviour. I personally think that as humans we should have that sense of propriety and decorum.
This had happened right before in many different techniques. This might be occurring now. As well as also this will outcome once more in long-term. The entire world is a lot like which. Numerous arm-chair critiques might want to fault the parents for not delivering up their children the "proper" strategy. Many others will criticize the conduct among these 2 youngsters. Fair enough. However might possibly anyone for when ever believe their kids might done these things? Just about any type of father or mother that thinks that kids can feel handled 100% is looking available for the greatest rage in life. Organically I have observed the essential obedient kids, even so that they tend to become a minority.
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