49th Day (Part One of Three)

I was reminded that today is the 49th day since my friend, Chang's passing. Since some readers here were followers of Chang's blog, I thought it apt to share some memories of him today, as a mark of respect. For readers who are new, Chang battled cancer for 3 years and passed away on September 11. It is not easy writing about anyone, alive or deceased as there are sensitivities to be considered. Everyone remembers their loved one differently.  He was a man with imperfections like the rest of us. He wanted to live, like all of us do. And by sharing his story, hopefully we  learn to live better through his good examples as well as his mistakes. This is my account.

I met Chang when I was relatively new to the corporate world. I joined the company when he had just resigned. He was my mentor-colleague for a brief period. At that time, he was still studying for his professional accounting examinations. I found him to be approachable, helpful, knowledgeable in his work, capable and  a hands-on worker. We kept in touch over the years and later, had another opportunity to work together again, also for a brief period. This time, I was much more seasoned and he had already obtained his accounting qualification. He was a very focused person, he always seemed to know what to do and to be in control.  I also  realised during this period that his general approach was a highly stressful one. And he could work for hours non-stop. I could not keep up with his pace. I felt he was driven by the need to earn money and an interest in IT. He was also very thrifty.  He wanted to train up as a SAP consultant. But he never did.

I got to know him better during the cancer period. He said that I am willing to talk about many subjects that most people are not. At times, I would challenge his words or views when I felt it necessary to do so. I would not be a real friend otherwise. When he got lost in his fears that the cancer had overcome him, just because he lost 1 lb in weight, I would question the validity of his fearful thoughts.  I treated him like any other person, whether or not he suffered from cancer.

I respect him not for his capability or knowledge. It was his strength of will, his openness about the disease and his willingness to share his experience during the cancer period. Many people in his situation would have given up. Few men could soldier on the way he did, doing many things on his own. I think he shone during this period. His resourcefulness and tenacity were outstanding. That said, it is also a double edged sword. Our very strengths taken to the extreme, can turn into weaknesses if they are not used skillfully.. This is where, ideally, spirituality can come in to help balance things out. However, this can only happen if we have the awareness that we have over-done things or over-stressed ourselves. We are not machines, after all. And even machines break down eventually.

( to be continued.......49th Day Part Two will be posted on Wednesday, 31st October.)