My Sweet Oreo

"I believe that animals are on the planet so that we can know love and compassion. We are profoundly connected to our pets more than we are usually aware of " - Louise Hay

Dear Sze,

I decided to reply to your question about Oreo here instead of the Mothers Day post because it is a long story. I still find it hard to talk about Oreo's death, partly because of the way she died and partly because I felt responsible. She died in an accident when she tried to jump over the fence again when we were out during Chinese New Year. Previously when she jumped over the fence, she was injured. This time, it was fatal.

She had developed a phobia for rain and thunder, right after being neutered. The vet thought it was a coincidence, but I feel there is a link. We have had her for one and half years and never had this problem. It seems that neutering does result in behavioural changes in some dogs but in Oreo's case, it was extreme.

I constantly worried about her whenever I was at work or out with the family. Everytime the sky turned dark, the worries would start. When it rained at night, we would hear her howling. My husband would get up and soothe her. I consulted friends and vets but I could not find a solution. 

In order to protect her, I had to resort to keeping her in her cage when we were out. However, I knew she was miserable being caged. I felt really bad and stressed out during this period. I did not like to cage her. On the day she died, I wanted her to have some freedom to run around, not knowing it would have tragic consequences. I hurried home but it was too late. It hadn't even started raining yet but she had already started freaking out. She died on the fence.

I have gone over this episode many times, again and again, feeling responsible.  Could I have prevented it? If I had allowed her into the house, maybe she wouldn't have died...I don't have the answers. My Buddhist friends attribute it to karma. 

Whatever it is, one thing is for certain, with the benefit of hindsight, it is easy to think of the "what ifs" and what might have beens" If I had the benefit of hindsight, I  never would have wanted her to suffer, not for a minute. It was  painful to think of her difficult death. Thus, it made it all the harder to get over it. I  am after all her fur mama. And she was my fur baby. I will always love her.

It is hard to watch others suffer, especially loved ones and those we seek to protect. However, Oreo's death has been an awakening. Her presence in my life has been a gift.  It is a lesson that I am still learning.
 It is, to not blame myself for things which I cannot control.
 It is, to be kinder to myself.
 It is, to accept that I make mistakes and that I am not perfect.

We conducted a Buddhist funeral for her and chanted prayers for her. May she be in a better place free from suffering and fear. May she know that she is much loved.

Regards,
CF