Wednesday 20 February 2013

Death and Grief

I first set eyes on her on Wesak Day, 28 May 2011. She was a very adorable two month old, playing together with her 6 siblings. They were all very cute.  It was my desire then, to provide them with a home but I could only afford to take one. So I left the choice to my daughter. She was enamoured by them and I could totally see why. 

We named her Oreo because of her dark brown and white coloured fur. She had a wonderful personality, cheerful, affectionate, expressive and highly intelligent. Everyday, when I came home from work, I could count on seeing her cheerful face light up, happy to see me. I loved her very much. She was still a teenager going through that phase of chewing and biting which could be rather exasperating. I had no issue with it though because I accepted her for what she was. All I could see was that her heart was beautiful and full of innocence. She filled me with delight watching her running around happily.

I was deeply concerned about her increasing paranoia about rain and loud sounds, coincidentally after her neutering. Every morning, after I got up, I would peep outside from my front room window to check on her. I assumed this picture would continue for at least another few years, as the life expectancy of a dog can be quite long.

This Chinese New Year, on 12 February, my dear Oreo left. In a tragic accident, I find too traumatic to talk about, I am really, really sad. Life is short indeed. Our minds make so many secret assumptions which are untrue, without our knowing. We assume we will get up to see the world again the next day. We assume we will continue seeing our loved ones again and again.

Our minds don't cater for exceptions such as sudden death. When it happens, it leaves us reeling and feeling quite traumatised. Our minds go into shock and need a period of adjustment. During this period, it goes through much pain. This pain is the pain of attachment to the past. Attachment to my Oreo who has left, attachment to the illusion of permanence.

Death serves to tear us away from this complacency again and again. For nothing makes a bigger impact than death. We can't ignore it nor pretend that death didn't happen, as we can with so many other issues in our lives. I wish there were no such thing as impermanence. No suffering, no pain. Not at this moment.


Wherever you are, Oreo, I will always miss you. You will always be special to me. You were in our lives for a time and a season. I will let you go  only because I know you have a much better place to go to, a great journey ahead of you. Much like how a mother releases her child into the world, I have to release you too. I pray for you to meet with favourable teachers, friends and conditions in future. May you find lasting happiness and peace. I love you, Oreo.

10 comments:

  1. Dear CF
    My deepest condolence to you and your family on the passing on of your beloved Oreo. Her life in this existence may be short, but I am sure she has had a beautiful and wonderful life with so much love from you and your family.

    May Oreo be reborn in a better realm and be free from suffering. I am sure she's smiling at you from the rainbow bridge and telling you that she's doing fine and for you to be happy always.

    Rgds
    CP

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  2. Dear CP,

    Thank you. She is now free from fear of rain and loud sounds. All prayers for Oreo are fully appreciated.

    Regards,
    CF

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  3. Dear CF,

    My condolence too on Oreo's passing. I have a 30month old golden retriever and it's my first time having a dog.(actually my son brought him home)I used to have dog phobia because I was chased by a muzzled rottweiler when I was about 10years' old.
    Now that doggie is a member of the family,he is treated with full of love from us.

    Rgds
    Evelyn

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  4. Dear Evelyn,

    Thank you. I had a golden retriever in my house when I was growing up. Her name was Jimmy. Why she had a male name, I had no idea. My parents decided to give her away and I accompanied her to her new owner's home in Bentong in a jeep. Sad time for me then. Enjoy your dog. What is his name, btw?

    Regards,
    CF

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  5. Dear CF,

    My condolences on your loss. We have lost 3 dogs throughout the years and i can never imagine life without a furry friend. Each dog we had who had passed on possessed irreplaceable qualities no other dog has and their moving always leaves a gap in our hearts. Oreo is in a much better place and has left you with a treasure trove of memories that somehow will make the coming days lighter.

    TA

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    Replies
    1. Dear TA,

      It is true what you said about loss. It leaves a void. No other dog can replace Oreo. She had her own unique qualities. And every dog after her too, will have their own qualities. Thank you.

      Regards,
      CF

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  6. Dear CF,

    We call him DeeDee. He did not take his food on the few days of CNY as we went down south for reunion.(I live in the north)I arranged for someone to feed him daily and clean his poo. The first year he came, we brought him along.

    Evelyn

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    Replies
    1. Dear Evelyn,

      Dee Dee sounds like an obedient dog. You are fortunate to have someone help out. My neighbours used to help feed Oreo too. They miss her too.

      Regards,
      CF

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  7. Hi CF,

    You grief so much over the passing of your pet - you can't imagine the grief I went through when I lost my mum whom I have lived with all my life !

    I have come to accept with life there will be death ... it's 2 un-escapable checkpoints, with death griefing is a certainty !

    But time heals ... although I still gets weepy quite often. It's only natural.

    This too shall pass ...

    Best wishes,

    Gan

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  8. Dear Gan,

    You definitely have every reason to grieve over your mom who brought you up. I think it depends more on the bond that has been established with the loved one. In your case, your bond with your mom must have been very close, hence the deep grief. I know too of people who show little grief for their parents' passing. It really depends on the closeness.

    Regards,
    CF

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