The Duality of Life

Last week, while I was having dinner, I received a call from my brother. My father was having breathing difficulties but could not be persuaded to seek treatment at the hospital. A year and a half ago, my father suffered a heart attack. The same scenario; he refused to go to the hospital until a few hours later. That  delay contributed to his permanent heart damage. Since then, he has not been the same man. Now, half his previous size, frail and gaunt, he never regained his previous vigour. 

He was a tall and strong man, never having had any serious  health problems till the heart attack. But how swiftly things changed. Prior to that, he used to drive my mother to acupuncture sessions daily and on weekends, to the wet market. After the attack, the car was left idle and eventually sold off.  Both my parents spent alot more time at home and became dependent on my brothers. 

I rushed to my parents' home to help persuade my father. However, I only incurred his wrath as angry words spewed from his mouth. Finally, when he could not tolerate the pain anymore, he agreed to be admitted. We rushed him to the Emergency Ward where he was given oxygen till his cardiologist came. Shortly after, he was admitted to the Intensive Care Unit. The cardiologist recommended that he be sedated.  and with our consent, he was hooked onto a respirator to help him breathe.

It was a long night. Feeling tired, worried and helpless, I saw him just before he was sedated and went on home.  Naturally, I wanted to soothe and protect him but I could not do much more but leave it to the doctor  to do his job. There is no denying that my greatest fear then, was the thought of losing him. Am I ready to let him go?

I had alot on my mind that night. The suffering of watching suffering. Watching the process of life as it unfolds, the pleasant and the ugly.  It is difficult to watch at times. Added to that, being unable to do anything to help significantly.  It is not in my hands.

This is the package of being a human being. This  package comes with it, the duality of life.  Life and death, joy and sorrow,  pleasure and pain, night and day, meeting and parting, negative and positive, yin and yang. We would not know one if we had not experienced the other.

We cannot determine how we die. Nor the time of death. We can only decide how we want to live. What we can do to shape our own future. And while we are at it, sow the seeds for good to come our way. Finally, everyone would want to be able to make a peaceful and dignified exit from this world. It would be such a privilege.

Happily Ever After

                       

When I was in school, I noticed that romance novels were very popular among my classmates. One girl called Kumari used to carry a bagful of them to school, to exchange with her romance novel bookclub members. Their favourite were books by the Mills & Boons publishing house, which featured many different female authors. I was rather curious, so I asked her to recommend some books by the better authors. However, I could only manage about two books before I became seriously bored. Their story lines were essentially the same. The damsel in distress swept off her feet by the mysterious stranger, who came to her rescue. Yawn.......

The practical side of me found it hard to believe and enjoy what were to me then, rather unbelievable stories. Romance fictions always ends just when real life is about to start. The story always end with the couple falling in love and living happily after. In real life, the point when the couple gets married is when their love is really lived out.

Will their romance get side tracked by the practicalities of life, such as house chores, in-law problems, children, careers and different interests? Yes, there will be a period in the courtship phase when couples can be very romantic with one another.  But why is it somehow assumed that the romance would be automatically sustained without putting in effort?

Are real relationships like that as portrayed in popcorn movies and romance novels? Yet, their influence on our perception of love is subtle. It is when you realise that you have  these expectations which you want your partner to fulfill (similar to the hero in the movies or novels) that you realise the power of its influence in your life. Where did these expectations come from?

The truth is that relationships are a joint effort, much like tending to a plant. Water it, nurture and talk to it lovingly and it blooms beautifully, Otherwise, it could turn out quite ugly too. Couples who, in their old age, wage cold war, curse one another and are unable to carry out a conversation without getting into an argument, are one too many. The truly loving couples are too few. So, what happened to the couple who were once besotted with one another? The romance novels seem to be deafeningly silent on what happens...... ever after.

The State of Our Hearts

Of late, I have been focusing on the plight of animals in this blog. Maybe, it was triggered by the death of my dog, Oreo. Or maybe not. Because to me, whether the topic is about animals or our human problems, the basic issue is still about ourselves. How we treat animals or those weaker and more disadvantaged than us reflects who we truly are inside.  The group I am talking about are children, old folks, sick people and those unspoken for in society,

It is easy to be nice and invest our time on those richer and more influential than us, even though we may not like them because the relationship can potentially bring us benefits. But what about those whom we have to give  more to and  obtain less benefit in return? Or at least that is how it appears, superficially.

Recently, the euthanasia of 8 service dogs at the Fire & Rescue Department caused a public uproar. These loyal, courageous dogs that were now too old to service the nation were inhumanely put to sleep.

"These dogs have served the nation valiantly and with obvious passion for their work. They have put their lives in danger to spare their human handlers the same danger. Their needs are simple and they expect no extravagant pension or benefits. Many do not even live for many years to enjoy much comfort or care following their retirement from active service. They deserve every chance possible to live out their golden years in peace and reasonable comfort. We owe it to these brave dogs to create these chances for them. And we owe it to ourselves and our society to practice the values of compassion, gratitude, accountability and loyalty that we claim to uphold. " Petfinder.myWagazine

I wonder whether it has ever crossed their human minds how it would feel if they were treated in the same manner. What about our aged parents when they no longer can serve us?  Is the worthiness of life measured by their continuing usefulness to us? Do beings have to earn the right to live? It seems so. Our nation maybe progressing, our wallets bigger but what does it say about the state of our hearts?

To me, these are terrible pictures of the callous human heart and great betrayal. A sad day for humankind.

Saving Lives

 

 All the dogs were rescued. There were 55 of them, rescued a day before they were scheduled to be put down. You may read about the rescue operation by Malaysia Independent Dog Rescue (MIAR)  http://thestar.com.my/metro/story.asp?file=%2F2013%2F3%2F1%2Fcentral%2F12774953&sec=central. For more of the above photos which are from their facebook page, see http://www.facebook.com/pages/Malaysia-Independent-Animal-Rescue/132282193542235. Beautiful, healthy looking dogs whose lives have been saved. Kudos to MIAR. Really, really happy with the support of the public and their good work!

Death Row

The reality for stray dogs here is that they are rounded up routinely and sent to the pound. Rescuers and animal lovers get frantic trying to help. But like a rescuer friend of mine said, you can help one batch but then there is another and another. One solution is to spay/neuter strays to control stray population.

The number of fosterers and adopters are few. Most people prefer to buy animals which are pure breeds from the shops. Pet shops are the public face of puppy farms.  Businesses only make a profit if their expenses are less than their revenue. Unfortunately this is prioritised over the health, happiness and welfare of the animal. There have been many reports of the cruelty inflicted on animals by unscrupulous backyard breeders. On one hand, commercial backyard breeding becomes rampant whilst strays are put down regularly. A sad, sad situation indeed.

Is the plight of strays, the environment and the homeless people not part of our social responsibility?   Why not adopt an animal instead of buying from commercial breeders? You could be saving the precious life and ending the unnecessary suffering of a dog on death row.

SOS!!!!

 
We will be PUT TO SLEEP in 2 days time in the SETAPAK POUND this FRIDAY if no one comes and RESCUES and FOSTERS us. PLEASE SAVE US!!! :-(  Message from Malaysian Independent Animal Rescuers about 16 dogs on death row

The Plight of Strays

After my dog, Oreo passed away, I really reflected on how much I was actually helping stray animals by trying to spay/neuter them or adopting them. Last night, while having Chap Goh Meh dinner with a group of friends, a fellow pet owner said that her vet discouraged her from spaying her female Shihtzu. Why? because according to him, after spaying, an animal may undergo character change or get fat. He said he could easily earn her money but he refused to. Alas, if only I had talked to her earlier.

This made me wonder whether the things we are encouraged to do for animals, (though with good intentions) are really beneficial  for them. For stray animals I can understand the need for spaying to control stray population. But for single pet homes, is there such a need? I was told that to be a responsible pet owner, it was necessary to spay to prevent my pet from contracting sicknesses such as reproductive organ cancers. By the same token, should humans remove their reproductive organs when they decide not to bear children anymore?

Oreo became an extremely fearful dog after being spayed. She tried to jump over the fence when the  sky became cloudy. She could no longer be left alone, yet we were working people. Our vet could not explain why she suddenly developed this fear after the spaying. She had never had even a little fear of fireworks, rain or thunder before. Of course, at this stage, everything is pure speculation but it is food for thought. It is always good to make informed choices. 

Less than a week after Oreo's death, an animal rescuer friend  offered me an abandoned poodle, for adoption. Sadly, many people are keen to own cute dogs and animals but abandon them after the novelty wears off or when they have grown old. Pets poo and pee all over the place and require work and commitment. Countless animals are abandoned daily either at shelters or on the streets.

Many people mistakenly assume that if they send their unwanted pets to shelters, their pets would have a new home. The truth is that shelters such as PAWS and SPCA euthanise many healthy animals each year due to shortage of space and funding, and a low adoption rate. Have you considered that sending your unwanted pets to these shelters could be like sending them to death row? So, check the shelter's euthanising policies first before sending your pet there.

A Taiwanese photographer took pictures of  these dogs at local shelters before they were euthanised. Beautiful, healthy animals killed using lethal injections. Take a look at https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=428257537256992. Does it not prick your conscience? It breaks my heart.. But then, who really cares? After all, they are just animals at our disposal to do as we please, right? I pray not.

Death and Grief

I first set eyes on her on Wesak Day, 28 May 2011. She was a very adorable two month old, playing together with her 6 siblings. They were all very cute.  It was my desire then, to provide them with a home but I could only afford to take one. So I left the choice to my daughter. She was enamoured by them and I could totally see why. 

We named her Oreo because of her dark brown and white coloured fur. She had a wonderful personality, cheerful, affectionate, expressive and highly intelligent. Everyday, when I came home from work, I could count on seeing her cheerful face light up, happy to see me. I loved her very much. She was still a teenager going through that phase of chewing and biting which could be rather exasperating. I had no issue with it though because I accepted her for what she was. All I could see was that her heart was beautiful and full of innocence. She filled me with delight watching her running around happily.

I was deeply concerned about her increasing paranoia about rain and loud sounds, coincidentally after her neutering. Every morning, after I got up, I would peep outside from my front room window to check on her. I assumed this picture would continue for at least another few years, as the life expectancy of a dog can be quite long.

This Chinese New Year, on 12 February, my dear Oreo left. In a tragic accident, I find too traumatic to talk about, I am really, really sad. Life is short indeed. Our minds make so many secret assumptions which are untrue, without our knowing. We assume we will get up to see the world again the next day. We assume we will continue seeing our loved ones again and again.

Our minds don't cater for exceptions such as sudden death. When it happens, it leaves us reeling and feeling quite traumatised. Our minds go into shock and need a period of adjustment. During this period, it goes through much pain. This pain is the pain of attachment to the past. Attachment to my Oreo who has left, attachment to the illusion of permanence.

Death serves to tear us away from this complacency again and again. For nothing makes a bigger impact than death. We can't ignore it nor pretend that death didn't happen, as we can with so many other issues in our lives. I wish there were no such thing as impermanence. No suffering, no pain. Not at this moment.

Wherever you are, Oreo, I will always miss you. You will always be special to me. You were in our lives for a time and a season. I will let you go  only because I know you have a much better place to go to, a great journey ahead of you. Much like how a mother releases her child into the world, I have to release you too. I pray for you to meet with favourable teachers, friends and conditions in future. May you find lasting happiness and peace. I love you, Oreo.